Last week, as I was walking into the gate of my school/home, the askari (security guard) asked me if I had been eating a lot. When I attempted to clarify in my terribly small amount of Swahili what he meant, he made a hand motion that made it abundantly clear- he was telling me I had gained weight. Actually, he was the third person to tell me something of that nature since I had returned from vacationing in South Africa. The first was the cleaner at my school who literally said "You got fat" in her limited English. The second was another teacher who told me she could tell I had a good time from my cheaks (as she pinched them). Now, let me be clear. This is not the first time my weight has been the topic of conversation. Once in a while, when I put some effort and wear something flattering to school, the local teachers have a debate when one typically announces "You've lost weight" and someone else jumps in quickly, "No she hasn't." See, losing weight here is typically seen as a bad thing. It means you can't afford food or that you're possibly sick. Having some meat on your bones is a sign of wealth and health.
Now, coming from a culture that is obsessed with losing weight, I have a mixed reaction whenever this comes up. I know that they are trying to be complimentary and polite (which is considered very important in this culture) when, in fact, it is the opposite of polite in my own culture. After much though about these comments that come up once in a while, I have decided to enjoy them instead of feeling insulted (which is how my western peers tend to feel). The fact is, I, as an American, feel a certain way about weight loss and weight gain because of socially imposed messages and standards. I can choose to separate myself from that and enjoy the fact that people here are trying to be nice and make me feel good.
On a different perspective on honesty, I was told a few days ago from a woman who has lived here for 30 years about a basic difference in westernized culture and Tanzanian culture. This difference came up when I was discussing a local who has been teaching for many years and and still needs to be reminded not to leave the children unattended. The amount of reminders and honesty she is asking people to have with her on a DAILY BASIS is astounding in my point of view. But the very basic difference of cultures is that my westernized American culture is a guilt culture and Tanzanian culture is a shame culture. While I would be guilty leaving the children unattended, and thus choose not to do that, she does not feel there is anything wrong with what she's doing unless she is caught. That's the difference. Americans have much more of an internal compass and Tanzanians tend to have more of an external compass of "right" and "wrong." Also, an interesting dynamic is created with this shame culture. When interacting with Tanzanians, as an outside, I must be careful in certain interactions, such as bargaining. If I am too loud or forceful, I could potentially shame a vendor. This is still a dynamic I am exploring How do I get what I believe is a fair price (or even figure out what's fair) without dishonoring the person I am dealing with? What am I able to say in public and when is it necessary to give simple criticism (like, "You spelled that wrong") in private?
Now, coming from a culture that is obsessed with losing weight, I have a mixed reaction whenever this comes up. I know that they are trying to be complimentary and polite (which is considered very important in this culture) when, in fact, it is the opposite of polite in my own culture. After much though about these comments that come up once in a while, I have decided to enjoy them instead of feeling insulted (which is how my western peers tend to feel). The fact is, I, as an American, feel a certain way about weight loss and weight gain because of socially imposed messages and standards. I can choose to separate myself from that and enjoy the fact that people here are trying to be nice and make me feel good.
On a different perspective on honesty, I was told a few days ago from a woman who has lived here for 30 years about a basic difference in westernized culture and Tanzanian culture. This difference came up when I was discussing a local who has been teaching for many years and and still needs to be reminded not to leave the children unattended. The amount of reminders and honesty she is asking people to have with her on a DAILY BASIS is astounding in my point of view. But the very basic difference of cultures is that my westernized American culture is a guilt culture and Tanzanian culture is a shame culture. While I would be guilty leaving the children unattended, and thus choose not to do that, she does not feel there is anything wrong with what she's doing unless she is caught. That's the difference. Americans have much more of an internal compass and Tanzanians tend to have more of an external compass of "right" and "wrong." Also, an interesting dynamic is created with this shame culture. When interacting with Tanzanians, as an outside, I must be careful in certain interactions, such as bargaining. If I am too loud or forceful, I could potentially shame a vendor. This is still a dynamic I am exploring How do I get what I believe is a fair price (or even figure out what's fair) without dishonoring the person I am dealing with? What am I able to say in public and when is it necessary to give simple criticism (like, "You spelled that wrong") in private?
